This pivotal moment turned aside all doubt now and forevermore for me and my wife. It is a chapter in our history. I hope it serves to encourage you to seek for Him.
My wife and I had an ardent desire to understand God first hand. Our understanding and experience of a person is based on having an encounter with that person, not on hearing about them. Hearing about Thomas Jefferson in school is different from living with Thomas Jefferson.
We were living with God, seeing His work in our lives, but were wondering, "Who is He really?" Think of it like working under a person's authority for a while, hearing about that person from others both beforehand and during your employment, knowing his name, assuming he knows you, but never having formally met each other. Kind of weird, but that's where our minds were at. We know what the Bible says about Him, but we wanted to formally meet Him. The Bible is full of encounters of this nature. We thought, should He be willing, maybe He would grace us with His presence in this way?
Thankfully, God Graciously Showed Up.
We decided we would come together in prayer every night to seek Him in whatever way He would desire. In any good relationship, self-sacrifice is required. We knew that God valued when we "humbled" ourselves, and so we attempted to do so.
Who is God: The Encounter
The First Night
After the first night of intense seeking/praying/pondering with my wife, I had a dream that I encountered Jesus...
I was walking down a church hallway checking on rooms along the way. I turned the corner, and there He was. Somehow, I knew it was Him, and I could barely look at Him before my knees buckled and my head bowed as I exclaimed, "Oh! My Lord Jesus!" This was a powerfully frightening encounter within a dream. As I awoke, I felt the continuance of what I felt in the dream. I still, days later, have a distinct memory of this dream. Those that know me are aware that I do not recall any of my dreams. Rarely if ever do I even realize I dream.
This experience was impressionable, but no doubt a dream. It very well may have been God, but dreams can be what we want them to be. I filed this experience in the "well that was something" box - because we did not consider it concrete evidence of Him at work.
The Second Night
The second night, my wife was up taking care of our baby. As she did, deep distress enveloped her as she attempted to seek Him. She had some tough questions for Him about the world and its evil workings. Instead of asking the "universe", or her own intellect, she was acknowledging Him by attempting to discuss her anguish with Him.
Suddenly, while bending over the crib to lay our baby down, she saw a fantastic light fill the room that seemed to originate from the corner of the room behind her. The light lit up the entire room as if a lightning bolt had gone off inside of the room (there were no storms that day). The glow from the light faded slower than any real bolt of light would. She went to investigate where she thought the source of the light originated and felt what she described as a peaceful terror (an oxymoron, I know, but feelings are that way). She found nothing - not electrical machinery, outlets, cords, a fire nothing...
This did not make sense to her or me, but it was another experience to log away.
She was not sure what caused the light. She is a nurse. Her medically educated mind thought it was either a pinched nerve as she bent over the crib which would cause her mind to play a trick on her; or it was God showing up in person. She stowed this away in the same "well, that was something" box, but was left unsure.
The Third Night
On the third night, she and I sought for Him again, attempting to pray and humble ourselves knowing that He delights in a humble heart.
We opened our hearts to His arrival. We were not sure what to ask or do, so we simply asked for what we wanted; "Show up and tell us who you are." After this quick prayer, I decided to look back at recorded instances of when we believed God directed us in specific ways.
One instance is when God asked us to leave a good (but tumultuous) job in favor of raising our new family around our extended family. Click on the photo below to read that story.
After recollecting this event from our past, I said to my wife, "If He enjoys talking to us in that specific way, let's do something like this again..." Because we had a deep desire for God to introduce Himself to us and tell us exactly who He is, our question was "Who are you?"
Let me preface this question with a key insight into our state of mind. We were asking this loving spiritual being who is directing us in specific ways who He is. We have much evidence to believe He has directly impacted our lives in ways a loving Father and Guide would do. But who was this invisible person we catch undoubted glimpses of? We wanted to meet the reason for the effects, the cause in a "cause-and-effect" relationship. We were open to whatever He wanted to tell us - even if it was something entirely unexpected. We reasoned that His "Good Father" and "Good Shepherd" attributes - that we already have encountered several times - would see our desire and at least consider our request.
(We very strongly do not recommend doing what I am about to describe unless you are led to do so by the Holy Spirit... Seriously... The Bible is not a magic 8-ball...and God cannot be manipulated. However, we recognize God has authority to communicate however He wants, He is good to protect us, and no evil would desire us to be closer to Him, but would prefer to drive us away from Him. See Matthew 12:25-26. So, we felt safe to follow His lead in this specific way, and at this time.)
Upon asking, Candice did what we did in the past when He guided us using the Bible, except this time she was not led to specific scriptures. She placed the Bible on its spine and let it open - to alleviate all potential preconceived input on our end. Yes, the Lord was with us through this process, guiding us. The book opened and she began to read. She looked puzzled and I asked her what she was reading. She said, "It is just a list of names..." I noticed she was near the New Testament, so I asked where she was reading. She told me, "Luke 3". I was stunned! I told her, "That's the lineage of Jesus!!!"
Suddenly she realized the significance. That lineage was placed in that book for the specific purpose of proving to the disbelieving Jew that Jesus is the Son of David, who was the Son of Adam, who was the Son of God. The prophets in the Old Testament spoke that the savior of the world would come through the line of David!
That was Jesus' Birth Certificate, so-to-speak. We asked Him who He was, and He showed us He is Jesus, the Son of God!
Hold your, "well, duh!" statements to yourself and reread the last three paragraphs... I am describing a significant encounter. Not just a simple discovery. God graciously met us where we were, as low as we were, to tell us through His own hand who He is.
* In my dream I was not able to lift my head or do anything other than be on my knees when in His presence. Exclaiming "Oh! My Lord Jesus!" was also involuntary...This experience reminds me of Romans 14:11 "Every knee will bow, and every tongue will declare allegiance to God"...)
I then said, "Ok, I hate to be the doubting Thomas here, and this is undoubtedly deeply significant, but I want to ask for confirmation of this again... let's do this again..." Except, before we did, Candice added to the question: "...and where do we go from here?" (as in, "what do we do now that we know You?")
She did the same thing, kind of just opened the Bible to allow the Lord to physically show us what He wants us to know...
She landed on Psalms 13 & 14. Go and read it!
Psalm 13 exclaimed similar feelings we were having. We believe this was God saying to us, "I know how you are struggling."
Psalm 14 says; 'Only fools say in their hearts, “There is no God.”
And it talked more about belief in God. It was Him saying, "Now, believe! It is indeed I!"
In Conclusion...
We did not need another form of confirmation. We were happily satisfied and loved the conversation we had with the Lord. We are immensely thankful to Him for using a concrete tool (the Bible) to answer our questions directly - alleviating room for misinterpreting His works. And quite honestly, when we look back at the many moments where He has proven His presence to us, we feel a bit foolish to have ever wondered about His identity. We are the doubting Thomas'.
I know skepticism will abound. I'm sorry if this story imparts any burdens on you. Ask me your questions, and I will gladly answer. My hope is that by telling it, you will only desire more steadfastly for the Lord, and trust in His goodness. I seek only to glorify Him in this account.
Follow up: Who is God? (Part 2)
P.S.
I can recall one instance of being acutely aware of His presence. This story seems like an odd coincidence, but nothing like it had ever happened before or has ever happened since, and the timing seemed non-coincidental... Click the image below to read more.
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